What Makes a Sex Scene Bang?
Words: Patricia-Ann Young
Sex scenes in movies can be a strange, spongy topic. Over the past year or so, fierce debates have flared up about whether they are good or bad, on whether they can meaningfully drive plots forward, or if they are just grubby cesspits of meaningless titillation, no matter what. Much has been made of gen z not fucking with sex scenes, with last year’s annual Teens and Screens report finding that of 1,500 10–24-year-olds surveyed, 47.5% of them thought that sex rarely, if ever, needed to be depicted on screen.
While being in the pro-sex scene camp myself, I can understand why people are turned off by modern depictions of sex. Hollywood has mostly cleansed any lingering whiff of actual shagging from their tentpole movie slate to attract as many ticket buyers as possible.
Look at recent smash hit Anyone But You, a film that did a good job of appearing to be a lot racier than it actually was. Despite the much-discussed hotness of stars Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell, their sex scene, when it came, was thoroughly damp – and not in a sexy, sweaty way. Any of the rat-a-tat romantic tension the pair had managed to muster up beforehand sputtered and stalled in what turned out to be a lame (if beautifully shot) love scene. The sequence is all soft golden hues and tasteful side-boob shots as the lovers strip and kiss each other in a shower then on a bed. Despite the pair being naked and pressed up against each other, there’s no sense of genuine desire or hunger between them, we’re not even treated to a single suggestive thrust. I’ve seen more sexual urgency during an Argentine tango on Strictly.
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A bit like violence, eroticism is sometimes more effective if suggested and not outright shown. Think of Hitchcock subverting the Hay’s Code three-second-kiss rule in Notorious by having Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman break off every few seconds to gaze, whisper and kiss again, giving their passion a can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other electricity. Or the classic rom-com trick of having kissing couples slam into walls and bookcases as they scramble to find a bedroom or another suitably private place to be alone in, with the scene coyly fading to black as soon as they finally tumble out of the audience’s sight.
These methods are arguably much hotter than what is going on in Anyone But You, but sincere sexuality was never the point of the sex in that film anyway. The scene is more of a chance for producers to show off a flash of Sweeney’s arse crack so that they can splatter the word ‘raunchy’ over the poster, thus letting the cis-het males in the audience know that the movie isn’t just a silly rom-com for girls.
Even in movies with good sex scenes, creating a sense of palpable eroticism isn’t necessarily the point. In Poor Things, Emma Stone’s Bella Baxter goes on a journey of self-discovery through, among other things, joyous experimentation with sex. The sex is often more comedic than it is actually sexy, with the only earnest sex scene being between Bella and her lover and brothel co-worker Tionette (Suzy Bemba).
The brief scene shows Tionette going down on Bella and has nothing really to do with their connection with each other – we are never shown how the pair went from friends to lovers. True sexual heat on screen is usually achieved by time spent on establishing the ‘why’ of the character’s sexual attraction to each other, but in Poor Things, that’s not what’s important. Bella’s tryst with Toinette is just another stepping stone during her adventures in self-realisation and her maturing relationship with pleasure.
In last year’s Passages, the situation is quite the opposite. The magnetic connection between characters, especially when they have sex, is paramount to understanding why characters do what they do outside of the bedroom. When Ben Wishaw’s Martin torpedoes a burgeoning and healthy relationship with Amad (Erwan Kepoa Falé) in favour of his unfaithful estranged husband Tomas (Franz Rogowski), the audience can only understand because they have seen Martin and Tomas’ emotionally charged – and thus, extremely hot – sex a few scenes before. By showing their most intimate moments together, the audience are viscerally brought into the heady intoxication at the heart of their relationship. Without those scenes, Martin’s final, gut-wrenching heartbreak at the end of film, when he realises Tomas has betrayed him once again, wouldn’t land. While the sex scenes in Passages are gorgeous, they are tinged with sadness and are ultimately not really about the joy of shagging.
“There’s a flailing awkwardness to the scene too as the couple, overcome with desire, almost wrestle each other to get as closely entwined as possible”
Although not released in 2023, there is one movie out there with a sex scene so beautiful, so hot, so full of fun and the spirit of good sex, that I would recommend any sex scene sceptic poisoned by the past year to check it out. Pedro Almodóvar’s Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (1989).
As a self-respecting woman and feminist, I probably shouldn’t like the film as much as I do. It’s about a former drug-addict and porn star turned legit actress Marina (Victoria Abril) who is kidnapped and held against her will in her apartment by Ricky (Antonio Banderas). Ricky is in love with Marina and thinks if she just spends some time with him, she’ll love him too – and about two thirds of the way through the film, Marina actually does fall in love with Ricky. They then proceed to have amazing movie sex, which to this day, I’ve yet to see any other film top.
The set-up is preposterous, and it should be unsettling, revolting even, but it’s not – it’s hot. Some critics can’t get past the central conceit of the film, and rightly point out that Marina can never give true sexual consent while kidnapped. But Almodóvar’s world building of a quirky and colourful heightened reality, Banderas’ pitch-perfect performance of Ricky as a misguided but dedicated Romeo, and Abril’s strong turn as the indomitable Marina, who only initiates a sexual relationship with Ricky once he was shown deep vulnerability in front of her, allows the viewer to be swept away by the Beauty and the Beast fantasy of the film, and to put a pin in the reality of it.
The love scene between Ricky and Marina is so good because it has real physicality. There’s actual thrusting for one - which, as I noted, was lacking in Anyone But You - and there’s a flailing awkwardness to the scene too as the couple, overcome with desire, almost wrestle each other to get as closely entwined as possible. There’s lots of giggling alongside the grunting; “Don’t laugh,” Marina berates Ricky, “Or it’ll slip out!” Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! manages to capture the rush of good sex, especially the best sex at the start of a relationship.
But I think it’s such a standout because it’s a physical expression of pure love between Ricky and Marina. Prior to this scene we’ve gotten to know them, have seen how they’ve been used up by the world, and how each has tried to make a place for themselves despite tough circumstances outside of their control. To see two people who have been so maligned in life come together in a joyous expression of love, connection and understanding is genuinely touching and beautiful. It’s great storytelling, it’s amazing sex, and frankly, it truly bangs.
