Phenix on Life, Activism and the Importance of Fashion on her Identity

Make it stand out

The best part about being in such creative and politically conscious spaces are without a doubt the people you meet along the way. If you are lucky, some of these relationships progress past coming together for professional or political actions and grow into honest friendships. This kind of intimacy often creates unique environments for creativity to thrive. My friend Phenix (@thisisphenix) and I love combining our personal hang outs with creative projects. We recently shot a series of portraits in my studio whilst chatting about Phenix’s life, activist work, and how fashion has held a special meaning to her as a trans woman:

Hey Phenix, we’ve known each other for a while, but for everyone who is new to you and your story, can you tell us who you are and a little bit about yourself?

Hey I’m Phenix and my pronouns are she/her. I live in Berlin and I work as a model, podcast host, and activist for the LGBTQIA+ community. Being an activist kind of came naturally to me when I realised how bad the discrimination of queer and other marginalised groups really is. I felt that I needed to do something.

Your identity as a trans woman has not only impacted you on a personal level, but it has informed much of the work that you do professionally. What it is like to have so much of your personal life intertwined in your professional world?

Honestly, it can be very exhausting. I’m facing the reality of being booked as a model specifically because I’m trans. Companies want diversity and use queer people, for example, as tokens for their agenda. Additionally, by being trans and open about it [being trans], I experience a lot of "curious“ people asking many questions that often cross many boundaries where ever I go. I deal with a lot of uneducated people in both professional and personal scenarios sadly.

___STEADY_PAYWALL___

In addition to campaigns and your online presence, you are also a trans* and LGBTQIA* activist. Can you talk to us a little bit more about what this work looks like?

I want to both educate and make people more empathetic to the LGBTQIA+ community by telling my story. Through telling my story, I hope it [my story] can be one method towards achieving more acceptance and tolerance [for the LGBTQIA+ community]. I do this on social media, my podcast, “FREITAGABEND,” and in other media outlets. For example, I create videos explaining how to be a trans ally or how language should be used inclusively.

We would also love to hear more about your podcast, “FREITAGABEND” (Friday evening). Can you tell us how it came about and what kind of topics you cover?

The inspiration came about whilst my friends and I were chatting in my kitchen. Whenever I’m invited to a private party you’ll find me socialising in the kitchen. I love to widen my horizon and with my podcast I found a way to take my audience with me on that journey. The variety of topics I talk about with my guests is super broad as well: Queerness, sustainability, dating, sexism – like a good kitchen conversation should be.

A big part of your transition and finding who you are has been your relationship with fashion. Your personal style has transformed along with your physical appearance in a way that helped you grow more comfortable in your skin. Can you talk to us about these evolutions and how both of these changes worked in parallel to help shape who you are today?

The society we live in has strict expectations of what a certain gender is supposed to look like. As a kid I didn’t care about these expectations and was super rebellious and expressed this in my looks. However, when I became an adult I felt pressured to fit in. I wanted to be the person others expected me to be. Over the years – and at the same time when I started transitioning – I questioned all of these structures and the stereotypes. Today I dress in a way that society would consider “feminine." But I now know that make up, nails, or a dress doesn’t make me any more or less of a woman.

Humans are constantly evolving in one lifetime be it emotionally, physically, how we express ourselves through fashion, etc. What any of us looked like, acted like, and felt like 5 years ago differs to how we look, act, and feel today. How are these evolutions unique for you as a trans woman?

People who meet me today probably wouldn’t even recognise me if they were to see an old photograph of me. Back in the day when I still presented male, I was putting on an act: The more "masculine“ I presented, the more positive feedback I received. When I see old photographs of myself, I see a person I know very well but not at all at the same time. It does not feel like I am looking at myself. In retrospect, the act I put on looked cute though – haha!

Fashion is not only a form of self expression, but a form of self protection for the trans* community in the way that fashion can help on a personal level with body and gender dysmorphia as well as on a societal level in terms of cis-passing*. This protection in both cases is arguably life saving. How has fashion influenced both how you see yourself and how society views you?

*No trans* person should ever be forced to be cis-passing but we bring this up in terms of the safety it can grant trans* folx in daily interactions with people who may be transphobic. Summer is definitely my favourite season but it comes with high temperatures resulting in [people wearing] more revealing clothes simply to be comfortable in the heat. This often makes me uncomfortable. That’s why I love autumn and winter; they are easier [for me]. For years now, I have been very cis-passing whilst wearing a coat and scarf in winter. No one questioned/questions my gender, which feels very freeing.

What is one item within your wardrobe from your past that still very much represents who you are today?

A piece that will probably always be a staple for me are blazers. I love them. I loved them back in the day and I love them still - especially oversized. Pairing them with silver hoops and sleek hair: always a great look. I also love heels. I already loved the look of them decades ago, but I could never imagine owning them myself and wearing them confidently. But I do today. It seemed impossible, but it wasn’t.

What are some things that the fashion world can do/still needs to do to be more trans inclusive?

Not even just talking about trans people but gender in general: How can clothing have a gender? Why does society put people in such strict boxes concerning how they should present and what’s acceptable vs. unacceptable? These stereotypes are mostly founded on arguments that have no substance. For example "it has always been that way.“ No, it hasn’t. Take crop tops for example: They were first worn in the 70s by men who wanted to show off their muscles.

Lastly, what ways can fashion and personal style help someone struggling with body and gender dysmorphia?

For me it does so much. My style is not just me expressing myself - my style also impacts how others preserve me. As a trans woman, being read as the gender I am feels liberating. Fashion helped me to arrive at a state of truly being myself. But we shouldn’t forget that fashion should also be fun. Have fun with your looks - nothing is permanent. People should be braver when it comes to their style choices.

Photographer, stylist, creative director, producer and writer: Rae Tilly | Model, interviewee, hair and makeup: Phenix

Styling Credits:

Look 1 Nii Hai Sun Vest | House of Sunny zebra print jeans | Louis Vuitton ribbon | Accessories and shoes: Model’s own

Look 2: Fanta Body mesh body | Snake Divine corset | Nii Hai green shorts | Calzedonia thigh highs | I’m your Present earrings