Love Bite: What Your Favourite BBQ Food Says About You

Words: Lauren O’Neill

Make it stand out

Even though it’s the 16th of July in the year of our Lord 2024 at the time of writing this, and it actually rained today, I am very committed to the idea of actually trying to have a summer of some description. For me, a barbecue is a quintessential part of that (to be honest, probably even more so if it rains). So in that spirit, I have decided to dedicate this edition of Love Bite to them. 

Ultimately, a BBQ is something that can be so personal. Are you a hot dog person? A burger person? Or a secret third thing (vegetarian)? Can you be found loitering around the crisps and potato salad before the main event even happens? Or are you all in on the shop-bought desserts for afterwards? We are all of us different – variety, after all, is the spicy margarita of life – so for no reason other than a further attempt at trying to conjure the sun, here’s what your favourite BBQ item says about you:

Hot dog with ketchup and mustard 

You don’t like to deviate from stuff that is tried, tested, and proven to be excellent. Your favourite pizza is margherita, your favourite emoji is the cowboy, and your favourite series of Real Housewives is Beverly Hills. What can you say? You’re a classicist. 
___STEADY_PAYWALL___

Burger

A burger is a dish that at its best, throws everything at the wall. There’s a bun, and there’s a filling, of course, but there are also many toppings to be added and enjoyed: cheese, lettuce, pickles, tomato if you’re a freak, onion if you’re an even bigger freak. You, therefore, are a maximalist. 

Your house is full of tat and if you were on a programme about hoarding none of your friends would be surprised. Your idea of a stunning meal is not about quality but quantity (this is why you get literally three sides every time you order a Dominos). Your favourite colour is leopard print, and you would rather die than assimilate to the clean girl aesthetic, which you believe to be deeply evil. 

Halloumi 

You’re not vegetarian, you just like to be a bit different to everyone else, and this began from a young age when you voted for Will Young instead of Gareth Gates in Pop Idol. Your mum calls you “quirky”. You say you don’t like brat just to see how badly you can boil everyone’s piss. Hehe. 

King prawns 

You are the classy one out of your friend group. Your Instagram is full of tastefully grainy images of your gorgeous Marseilles and Athens vacations, and you are always artfully brandishing a white wine, but somehow in a gorgeous, carefree and golden way rather than a “as if I’ve had four glasses and now have to go home on the night bus” way. I am jealous of you. 

Crisps

The chaos option, no impulse control, hand straight in the bag of Monster Munch with no consideration for the fact that there is a meal to come. You’re one of those people who books a holiday and then goes about three days later without having booked a hotel or whatever. The rest of us can only dream of understanding you. 

Potato salad

If your favourite dish is potato salad, you are almost certainly the person who made the potato salad. You brought it to the BBQ in a big dish and everyone made a massive fuss, which you enjoyed although you downplayed it and said it was no big deal (you were actually cooking for four hours before you arrived and you made the dressing from scratch, like, with actual eggs). 

Ice lolly

You are one of those people who “forgets to eat” but randomly j’adores sweets. Your favourite food is sherbet Dib Dab. You are silly but beloved, like vuvuzelas and the song “Ooh Ah Just a Little Bit”.