Love Bite: A Love Letter to the Higgledy Piggledy, Picture Un-Perfect Dinner Party

Words: Lauren O’Neill

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As you get older, something that starts to happen more and more is this: dinner parties. People are less keen on the pub or having a big one (only a bit to be fair). Better at cooking than they were in, uni or whatever. And also maybe less slovenly, so they like showing off their gaffs a little more. It’s a very welcome development – I love it when people cook for me, and cooking for others is my favourite way to show that I care about or want to impress someone. But I will say that I also definitely don’t really relate to the popular conception of the “dinner party” via TV, movies or social media.

As fun as it is, in a sort of interiors porn type of way, to see home influencers’ places decked out in gorgeous linens with matching plates fresh flowers everywhere, and about four different kinds of forks; or period dramas where there’s sexual tension across a table as long as the room, my idea of a dinner party is something a bit different. In fact, the fictional dinner party I probably relate to the most is the one in Bridget Jones where she accidentally makes blue soup. 

My little table only fits a few people around it, and because I live alone, I’ve only got four sets of cutlery (last time I had people round, I had to ask a few of them to bring their own knives). It definitely is not quite the picture perfect vision in pastel I’d ideally create if I had unlimited space and budget for candle holders.

Even so, though, I really like that about it – I think when things are sort of off-kilter, you remember them more, and you feel like you have more licence to have fun, which is obviously what these things should be about. Obviously we all like feeling steeped in luxury – me more than anyone; you’ve genuinely never encountered anyone who has ever loved the concept of “hotels” more – but it also feels really good to make the best of what you’ve got, and share that with your friends or family too, rather than waiting until everything is perfect, which it probably never will be. 

In the spirit of making do and still having a ball, anyway, here’s a dessert I sort of cobbled together from a few existing recipes when I last had friends over – it was delicious and I’d love it if you made it for your friends too. Serve on a chipped plate with a teaspoon to eat it with for the full experience. 

Recipe for Chai poached pears

Ingredients

Four pears (you probably want them slightly underripe so they don’t go too soft; also I used Comice pears which have just come into season)

Chai teabags or spice mix (I used Diaspora Co. Chai Masala which made my life really easy to be honest)

Granulated sugar

Greek yoghurt and amaretti biscuits to serve 

Method

Cut the pears in half, keeping the cores on because they look cute. Remove the seeds with a knife if you can. 

Fill a large pot with a litre of water and 200g of granulated sugar. Put the water on a high-ish heat, add the sugar, and wait til it has fully dissolved. It shouldn’t take long. 

Turn the water down to a low-medium heat and add two tablespoons of Chai Masala. If you’re using teabags, try three. 

Now add the pears, making sure they’re in a single layer and all mostly covered by the water. 

Simmer them for about 20 minutes – you don’t want to boil the water at all because the pears will get too soft. If your pears are poking out of the water in places, flip them over half way through poaching so that they cook evenly. 

After 20 minutes, slip a knife through the pears. If you don’t meet any resistance, they are cooked. 

If you’re serving them immediately, put the pears on plates gorgeously with the Greek yoghurt and crushed amaretti (you could also use crushed nuts or whatever you like here but I think amaretti is delicious and glam). While you do that, put the poaching liquid on slightly higher heat to thicken up a little bit – watch the pot though!! – and then spoon a little bit over each pear just before you bring them to the table. 

If you’re serving them later, take the pot off the heat, then take the pears out and transfer to another dish so they don’t keep cooking as the liquid cools – that is how you get soggy pears!! Keep hold of the liquid and when you’re ready to serve the pears, put it back on a medium heat and drop the pears back inside for a few moments. Prep your yoghurt, then pop your pears on top while the liquid thickens as I mentioned above. Sprinkle with amaretti and drizzle a little bit of poaching liquid, and voila.