From Meadow to Melfi: Gendered Power Imbalances in ‘The Sopranos’
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Long nails, gold jewellery, real fur coats. That’s the life of a mob wife, a woman married to someone in the Italian mafia, at least according to the current trending aesthetic. But on The Sopranos - which celebrated its 25th anniversary last month - the glitz and glamour is not all that it is made out to be. Throughout its six season run, The Sopranos followed the life of mob boss Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) and his many women, from his hateful mother and controversial sister, to his fraught relationship with daughter Meadow, back to his dark haired comares (aka mistresses, pronounced as goomars throughout the series).
The star at the centre of Tony’s Oedipal hatred of women is his wife Carmela (Edie Falco) - a homemaker with style and flair. Carmela’s power comes from the fact that her husband runs the mafia, which is probably why she never ends up officially leaving him despite her ethical concerns and their constant screaming matches (when they do separate for a bit, she eventually returns). Her mutually beneficial relationship with Tony grants her a big home and expensive items, in exchange for being his beautiful Italian housewife, the caretaker of his home, the mother of his children and his legacy.
What Carmela provides doesn’t stop Tony from cheating on her, having at least one comare at a given time. Carmela operates a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, but when her suspicions are raised, she is wooed by a beautiful piece of jewellery or a fur coat to keep her anger at bay. In accepting them, Carmela makes peace with her husband’s betrayals and allows herself to be spoiled by money that she knows isn’t clean. Her other choices are divorce, which the Catholic church highly discourages, and actually trying to make some of her own money, instead of just the allowance he gives her. When exploring both options, Tony does everything in his underhanded power to cut her off - his power is inescapable and any semblance of control Carmela appears to have has to be explicitly signed off by her husband.
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Tony’s toxic relationship with his wife is part of the accepted typical lifestyle of a mobster; he is repeating and perpetuating the patterns that he grew up around, with a mob boss father and his overbearing, angry mother, Lydia. This undoubtedly feeds into his anxiety and panic attacks, which begin the show and led him to his therapist Dr. Jennifer Melfi.
Dr. Melfi, played by Lorraine Bracco (who portrayed the original mob wife Karen Hill in Goodfellas), represents the modern Italian woman: independent, divorced - although later she reunites with her ex-husband - a working mother, and financially self-reliant. Like Carmela, she struggles with the moral dilemma of interacting with Tony Soprano. As others in her life chide her for treating someone in the mafia, Dr. Melfi struggles to figure out what the right choice is.
In season 3, episode 4 titled Employee of the Month, Dr. Melfi is sexually assaulted leaving her office. A woman who has helped people process trauma is left abused and struggling to pick up the pieces. To make matters worse, her rapist is released from police custody and allowed to roam free while she deals with PTSD from the incident. As Dr. Melfi struggles with blame - it was late, she was walking to the parking garage by herself - she has a dream that changes her point of view.
In her fantasy, Dr. Melfi is about to be assaulted in her office when a dog attacks her rapist and saves her. The dog, a rottweiler, has origins dating back to Roman times, where they were seen as protectors and drivers, and Melfi interprets it to be a metaphor for Tony protecting her. Knowing that her client has the power to find her attacker and get revenge if she wanted to, empowers Melfi to let go of her reservations on treating Tony. This interchange is emphasised again at the end of the episode, when Tony, still clueless about what happened, asks to walk Dr. Melfi to her car and she says no. In as complicated a case as Carmela, Melfi now also has a mutually beneficial relationship with Tony outside of her therapist fee; Melfi helps him in exchange for his implied powers of protection.
In the same episode, Tony’s sister Janice is attacked by the Russian mob after refusing to return the prosthetic leg of her mother’s aid Svetlana. Unlike the mob wives, Janice is rebellious and wild, a mother estranged from her son, and single, romantically pursuing the mob men running in her brother’s circle. Because of her status as the sister of a mob boss, Janice never experiences the same consequences as her peers - Tony always cleans up after her. Although he warned her this attack would likely happen, Tony gets Janice justice after seeing her severe injuries. For Tony, Janice is his responsibility as his blood and in turn, his property. In going after the Russians, he reminds the opposing mob to never mess with his belongings - be that his crime dealings or the various women in his life.
“Throughout its six season run, The Sopranos followed the life of mob boss Tony Soprano and his many women, from his hateful mother and controversial sister, to his fraught relationship with daughter Meadow, back to his dark haired comares.”
In a later episode, University, Tony’s daughter Meadow, a student at Columbia University, is juxtaposed with single mother Tracee, a 20-year-old stripper at the Bada Bing, the mob-owned strip club. As Meadow experiences her first real adult relationship and explores New York City, Tracee is working the poles, being thrown around and used by the men, including the series’ villain Ralphie, who impregnates her. When she eventually does attempt to fight back, he beats her to death, resulting in Tony nearly excommunicating him.
Because Tracee was a “whore”, the men claim Ralphie deserves a pass and should be allowed to continue being on the team. Tony reasons it was Ralphie’s disrespect to the Bada Bing, rather than Tracee’s murder, that led him to nearly kicking him out. But for Ralphie, Tracee was his comare and his property, which meant he had a right to do what he wanted with her, complaining that Tony has no real business interfering. The politics are not about whether killing Tracee was immoral, but who’s property rights are infringed upon. The dynamic of the women of the Sopranos being symbols of power - or powerlessness - persists as Tony uses these relationships to bolster his own status as mob boss.
As Dr. Melfi points out, Tony’s relationships with women all boil down to his own relationship with his mother Livia, who constantly berates him and complains about everything he does - his comares, with their dark hair, even look like a young Livia. Where his father is repeatedly acknowledged as a “saint,” Tony can never compete. As difficult as she is, he is constantly trying to please her and when refused her graces, Tony seeks approval from the other women in his life who are much easier to satisfy.
Livia stands separately from the rest of the female cast of The Sopranos as outside of Tony’s control, be that through intimidation, money or emotional manipulation. His mother is the foil for the rest of Tony’s interactions with women throughout the six season run of the show; he punishes the women around him not only because it is expected in mob culture, but as retribution for how Livia ignored and belittled him.
Words: Mara Kleinberg