Dani Miller on Discovering Yourself, Fucking Up & Celebrating Platonic Romance

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For many creatives, lockdown wasn’t too far of a stretch from their usual work routines. Especially for those of us who were used to working from home. If anything, the addition of flatmates, partners or family being those whose jobs revolved around being on tour, the whole world stopped twice as hard. 

Surfbort - the punk band named after a Beyonce lyric - are known for their inimitable live shows and when lockdown hit, front woman Dani Miller took the time to reassess what she wants out of life. Speaking to our deputy editor Gina Tonic below, we got deep into a return to the world post-Covid and what makes life worth living, accompanied by an incredible editorial by Polyester fav Savana Ogburn.

So you live on the west coast, right now don’t you?

Yeah, I'm in LA poser now. I'm from California so I've always been like a stoner valley girl. I lived in New York for the last seven years and my dad's side of the family are from there, but I came back to LA like two months before the apocalypse. 

What inspired the move? 

Um, I mean, I love New York, it was really cool for my art. The seasons woke me up and I got really inspired Patti Smith style, but I don't know if I would live there again. Maybe like if I was a baller and had like a really nice apartment in the city, but I lived in like a trash pile with like, a slumlord landlord and it was just gnarly. So like when I would get off huge tours, or like DJing for Gucci in China, I would come back to a trash pile and then just be really depressed. 

___STEADY_PAYWALL__

It's a letdown. 

Saying that though,  I just went to New York for fashion week and to play a show and I fell back in love with it.

The grass is always greener though. Like no matter where you are, I think some places are just better to visit. Like I don't live in London. I live in Manchester, but when I go down to London. I'm like, this is fucking class and then by the end of the week, I'm like, Oh my god, I could never do it.

Totally. That's what New York is turning into. Also I'm an extrovert/introvert. So I love being around a ton of people but then I also need to be alone. LA gives you more space to be a nerd alone, but then you can also still party and hang out there. 

Do you prefer the music scene? Is there much difference between the music scene in LA and New York?

Actually, no - the LA music scene is equally as raging. Either way, there are really good bands and people so you're not really missing out. There's different vibes but I don't know… When the world's back on I try to just go everywhere. I try to just go worldwide and hang out everywhere. I tried to go to New York once a month and try to play London, Berlin and Paris. 

How did you handle being in lockdown? When I think of Surfbort I think of live performances especially, how did you cope creatively being stuck indoors or did you quite like it because you're a homebody? 

I just used the time - I'm gonna sound like such a new age hippie - but I used the time to like, really work on myself and figure out how to be a better person. Because I feel like when I was running around, like, since I started the band at 21, I just went non stop. I was working five jobs when Surfboard started, working construction, baristing, etc. 

As soon as I started the band I was just working my ass off and doing art. I just kind of never stopped and worked so hard out of survival. And that didn't give me a lot of room for me to grow spiritually. So during the pandemic, I was like, oh, okay, I'm going to use this time - I mean, there's moments of just like, getting really stoned, pigging out and watching movies too - but I tried to use a lot of it to grow. 

“I want to send the message out to people with this record, like keep on truckin. Shit is weird, shit's dark, but there's going to be better times even if it takes like a month or a couple of hours or two years or however long.”

So then when the world turned back on, I had more ground to stand on. Me and my band were recording songs in the living room. And we're like, maybe we'll just put out a living room album because what is going on? And we got kind of antsy. We just really wanted to play live by the end of it, so I’m glad I finally got to play live this month. 

Yeah, I bet. I think getting stoned and watching films is just as important towards self development as being introspective. 

Before the apocalypse, I was flying every two days in between Gucci stuff, Surfboard stuff, random events, etc. And there was no time for reflecting on life. I was kind of less present because I was just flying around super jetlagged. I lost sense of what jet lag was because it'd just be like, China, Germany, London, LA, New York, South Korea. I never knew what jet lag was. I was just like, I feel weird, and I'm in a new place. Yay!

I think all your music videos are very legendary. Very visual and visceral. What are some of your music video inspirations and what do you think makes a good music video?

Oh my god, did you see the one we just did with Fred Armisen?

Yeah, I love Fred Armisen as well, I was screaming. 

That was so cool to do. He just was like a magical Fairy Godmother, like making everyone not depressed. I'm not really a person who references past music or videos, but over time, you just watch things and it becomes part of your inspiration. We try to have humour in all my music videos. Like having humour in the fucked up world is a common theme. 

Like the one with Fred is just like, why is everyone really depressed in this crazy society, so let's add some magic back into it. And other ones I've done... like the lesbian love one and going around shooting arrows. Instead of making them fall in love, I'm just like making them fall in love with life again. In the video there's like a pissed off Republican in it. I shoot him with a bow and arrow and he's like "yeah I see the light". I kind of like the idea of dropping acid in like a politician's drink. I don't know, I want people to have more fun and find love in each other more. Every video has a dark side and the light side to it.

I think that's the best humour, when you can be a bit dark. 

Totally. And I figured out lately, especially when I was hanging out with Fred, working with Derrick Beckles and Eric Andre and a bunch of comedians, comedians know where it's at. They make life so much better and so funny when life's so dark, you just laugh, and I don't know that's what I try to bring to the record - like the Life's A Joke song. I'm bipolar and I get really depressed sometimes, but when it hits that like nihilistic point I try to turn it back around to like laughing - like what the fuck - just like coming together with people and like all just letting each other know we're in this crazy shit together.

It's like that saying isn't it - if you don't laugh, you'll cry. You've got to laugh to make it through all that shit.

Totally. There's so much fear and stuff and crazy gnarly shit happening, but you can just ditch that and trade it in for like laughing with Fred Armisen in the park. And being there for other people of course.

When I was researching to do this interview what I really loved about you is how honest and vulnerable you are with interviewers. So many artists won't go into different touchy subjects and you're just like, very happy to speak on those things. It's really a power to you the way you can access that vulnerability. But how do you do that? Where do you find strength in that? 

I just think it's because I've had a really gnarly experience of life and now that I'm on the other side of drug addiction, and really fucked up shit happening  I'm just grateful. Talking about having past suicidal ideation, my aunt killing herself and going through being addicted to hard drugs and stuff - I don't want to make that taboo. For people who are going through that, I wanna be like "Yo, there's ways to make it to the other side." 

So I’m never like "Ahh, that's too much." 

I'm more like "Let's talk about this" because you can feel so crazy and alone and wild in this world. So yeah, I think that's why I like talking about it. And I'm crazy.

I think you're right though, there's so much power in speaking about your experience, because there'll be so many people out there who have had similar experiences who don't feel able to verbalise it.

Yeah, when you're hooked on gnarly drugs, it makes you feel hopeless. And it feels like you have to be like that forever. So yeah, I'm in interviews sending a message out to my homies like, “You can recover and things can get way better beyond your magical or wildest dreams. Just hang on tight."

That's so sweet.

The title of the record is Keep On Trucking, and that goes along with what we're talking about. My aunt who jumped off Niagara Falls because she felt like it was the end of the world. I want to send the message out to people with this record, like keep on truckin. Shit is weird, shit's dark, but there's going to be better times even if it takes like a month or a couple of hours or two years or however long. There's going to be good times and your brains telling you there's not but you have no clue what lies ahead and it's gonna be awesome, so yeah, keep on truckin.

There is a solidarity between fucked up people. I think the more you find out about different people being fucked up, the less you feel alone.

Yeah, totally. The feelings you’re feeling are totally worthy and they are happening but it's not your true self. It's like this weird devil guy in your brain being like, "Hey, you suck" but I'm like no, that's not true. It's not real. I just wanted to send that message across that you're not alone in these feelings. 

My band have all felt this especially through drug use and intense emotions, so you're not alone in that and I tried to end FML with like, ‘I was hoping we could be friends and hang out in the park.’ At the end of the day, that's all people want to do, they just want love and to have fun. There's lyrics in Never Knew that are like ‘If you don't have a lover, it's okay. Everything's shit but please don't fade away.’ And don't feel weird not having a perfect romantic partner, because it's not like Disneyland or a Disney movie! You can thrive by yourself.

There's a power in being messy as well. Especially for like women, I think it's harder for women to tap into that POV.

Definitely just reach out to your buds and love on them and connect with them. Versus feeling like you're totally screwed up without a husband, a perfect husband.

There's so much romance in friendships. I think it's really underrated.

Totally - find the romance with everyone you're hanging with. Friendship romance is so important. You can find intimacy in that, that's way powerful. Making out with people on Tinder can be lame a lot of the time, so I feel like there's really cool moments in friendship that can take you through life instead of feeling totally worthless without a partner.

Words: Gina Tonic | Photography: Savana Ogburn | Stylist: Ivory Woods | MUA: Eden Symone | Hair: Joc Glams | Florist: Claire Fagin | Location: Muddy Heaven | Photo Assistant: Addie Weyrich