Why Creative Hibernation is Necessary

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I’ve always been a creative, a maker of beautiful things. My grandmother taught me to sew when I was five and I still use those skills today. I’ve dabbled in painting, crafting, bead work, writing, self portraiture and photography. Always feeding my creativity to see it flourish in the work I would make. Being an artist has helped me express myself in countless ways and certainly saved me in others. But, as per the 21st century, I never felt like I really had the time to dive deeply into these creative waters. 

Then a global pandemic and lockdown happened: Even though I was given all the time in the world, the stress of it totally whipped out my creative drive. I’d get spurts of energy early on in lockdown but generally really didn’t feel that connected to anything I was creating. Or if I started a project, I would end up losing steam and quickly just giving up. Forcing it definitely didn’t work either - resulting in more self loathing and loads of imposter syndrome. Because yes of course I’ve always created, but now that I really had the time, I couldn’t produce anything. Had I just been faking it this whole time? 

The most frustrating part was seeing other creatives absolutely flourish during this catastrophic world event. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see my fellow artists succeed but I was internalising their victories and turning them into attacks against myself. I was feeling worse and worse about myself and my lack of creative drive and output. I leaned into the nothingness and let all my creative outlets fall by the wayside. I had nothing to give really, as if all my creativity was trapped somewhere and just couldn’t come out. The stress of the state of the world was just too much. 

___STEADY_PAYWALL___

I’ve always been a creative; those feelings and creative needs couldn’t possibly be gone forever. I’ve been trying to not be so harsh on myself about it. Instead I am trying to change my perspective and give myself a break from the stress of a very uncertain time. Looking at this as a hibernation rather than a death really started to help. Life absolutely has its ebbs and flows, so too does artistic output, and reminding myself of that really started taking the pressure off. 

There is nothing more natural than hibernation or going dormant: Plants and animals have been doing it since the dawn of time, and I want in on the action and the absolvement of said action. I don’t want to feel bad about being so stressed out by a global pandemic that it caused me to not find joy in being an artist. Even if we weren’t in a pandemic, no one should feel bad about needing a break. We can’t exist as every part of ourselves all the time. 

Those parts of myself have and always will continue to be there. Even if they are just laying still for a little while. 

Taking that pressure off also really helped in a lot of unexpected ways. While I couldn’t nourish my creativity, I was able to take better care of myself. Instead of worrying about what I wasn’t creating, I cooked yummy meals from scratch, smoked copious amounts of cannabis, went on long walks around my neighborhood and hung out for hours in grassy parks. I went to the farmers market every Friday, to the French bread stand and got a fresh chocolate croissant to have on Saturday mornings, because starting my weekend with a warm chocolate croissant and a hot cup of coffee is self care. By taking the stress away and just accepting that I didn't feel like creating, I was better able to just live life. 

These are the things that got me through a really shitty time -  stepping back and taking care of myself. Waiting, lots and lots of waiting and resting. Hibernating. 

Now I can feel myself slowly come out of this hibernation. Yes I’m still kind of sleepy and I have a little while more before I feel my creativity will be fully awake, but I feel good about it, like maybe this rest was needed. That I really did just need time to only focus on myself instead of what I was producing. Or not producing for that matter. To find worth in myself when I’m not creating or being creative. 

I don’t need to be producing work all the time like some art machine. I can find joy in other things inbetween when I feel I’m at a creative peak. Allowing a part of myself to hibernate doesn’t take away from the good things in my life: It makes room for other wonderful aspects of life that maybe I wasn’t enjoying or even experiencing in the first place. Like getting my weekly chocolate croissant from the farmers market, like walking for miles in the streets surrounding my home, like making meals from scratch. All in all I’m grateful to have had a creative hibernation. It helped me see a different aspect of my life and what brings me joy and contentment. I’m especially happy that those parts of myself are waking up again because it proves my creativity didn’t go anywhere, it just needed a little rest.

Words: Jamie Gonzalez | Illustration: Marnie Moody