The latest instalment of, ‘My Therapist Gave Me An Assignment: Write about Your Ex’.
My confidence level (if you haven’t caught on) plummeted. My identity fled. I was boy-less and job-less. The person I knew and the job that served as my identity within the “adult” world was now gone. When people asked “what do you do?”, I couldn’t tell them. I wasn’t making money off my art, I got fired from the one consistent gig that was paying me on a regular basis. I was a nobody. I was now just a person who lived in New York with roommates.
Dealing with a massive breakup while in the midst of applying for new jobs and attending an interview every week was torture. Slowly, with each interview and subsequent rejection I felt I had less and less control over my life and sanity. I could barely grasp who I was or even wanted to be, let alone portray or even lie about who I wanted to become. When interviewers asked “so, tell me a little bit about yourself” all I could muster up was where I graduated college from. I couldn’t tell them the truth: that I don’t know who I am but I hope by acing or failing my duties for whatever this role is that I’ll slowly, but surely find out.
Confidence is key. I know for a fact that I am lured in by confidence. Most people are attracted to someone because of the confidence they exude and the vibes they put out. Hell, confidence can even get you a job. So long you stand firmly behind what you’re staying/feeling regardless if it’s bullshit or not people respect that.
I wanted my confidence back.
Words & Illustration by Megan Tatem.